McKenna's Finding Ad

Finding ads are quite common in Chinese newspapers. According to the government, all children that are found abandoned must be put in the paper; hence "finding ad". There is an organization who collects all of these papers so they can provide adoptive parents the earliest documentation of their child's life. The ads give a description of the child and exactly where they were found. McKenna's ad was found last week. McKenna's ad states that she was found at one day old, under the banyan tree, in front of the Pingnan County government building. While I'm so glad to have this early photo of her, there are other emotions to contend with. It is painful to think of her as a 1 day old infant, under the tree, all alone....left behind. I also ordered the full paper, where it shows about 10 other kids, 2 of which must be 9 or 10, along with her. An entire section of the Chinese newspapers are dedicated to these kids. It's a great reminder to why we started on this journey. There are so many abandoned children in China. This all brings me back to the Starfish Thrower story. There are so many orphans in this world and while you can't possibly save them all, you certainly can make a difference to one. This story is posted on the side of my blog, but I would like to draw attention to it again here. It certainly tied it all together for us:

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up. As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer, he called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?" The young man paused, looked up and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I guess I should have asked, Why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?"

"The sun is up and the tide is going out. And if I don't throw them in they'll die."

"But young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it. You can't possibly make a difference!"

The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves. "It made a difference for that one!"

How can you miss someone you've never met?

I woke up today with an uneasy feeling. Thoughts of McKenna were dancing through my mind...I must have had a dream about her. As I sat with my morning coffee, I started going through a few of the pictures I have of her. I look at these pictures quite frequently, but today, they brought about a whole different range of emotions. Plain and simple, I miss this precious little girl..the kind of "miss" that leaves a little hole in your heart. A void that you know cannot be filled with anything else but her. I know these emotions are part of this journey, but there is no reasoning with my heart. I'm going to feel the void of her absence until she is in my arms. I know some people wonder how you can miss someone you have never met. I may have wondered the same thing before I started on this journey. This process has been so eye opening....life changing....so much bigger than me. The range of emotions are quite overwhelming at times. I can compare this journey to what I experienced while pregnant with my 3 children. From the very beginning of my pregnancies, I became immediately attached to my babies. As they grew in my tummy, the love I felt for them grew as well. I became entrenched in learning all I could about how they were developing at each and every phase. I became attached to their due dates, their names, their promises of life. I dreamed big things for my kids, all before I saw their faces. And I certainly loved them with every ounce of my being. There has been nothing better in my life than becoming their Mom. This is how I feel about McKenna. The journey of becoming her Mom may be a bit different, but I can honestly say, the love is growing the same way it did for my other kids. I feel so lucky in many ways that she has come into my life. She has already made me a better person...changed the way I look at life...opened my heart to love in ways I have never known. All of this and we have never even met.

So, I will go about my days, still feeling the void, but preparing big dreams for McKenna. The void continues to grow, but the love we all feel for McKenna grows more. I hope she is having a wonderful Chinese New Year celebration this week. I know we are looking forward to sharing this holiday with her next year!

Our LID has arrived!

I have to remember that most people have NO clue what a LID means! All of the adoption acronyms were so foreign to me at first and now I am obsessed with 3 little letters. LID=Log in Date. Our LID is officially 2/10/2010. Our dossier has been received in China and will have to be translated now. Our countdown to LOA has begun. I'm already 1 day in, which weirdly enough, feels pretty good! Next week is Chinese New Year and the CCAA is closed for 7 full days..hopefully this will be motivation for the CCAA workers to clear their desks faster. It's getting more difficult to remain patient through this process. There has been no official updates on McKenna and we are not even sure she ever received the 2 care packages we sent her. Because her orphanage is in Pingnan County and she is being fostered in Nanning, it makes it very hard to get any information on her. I am hoping we can get an update before we travel. It sure would be nice to know her clothing size before we go. So many people ask me what McKenna is like and I have to tell them I really have no idea. I "think" I know what she'll be like, but honestly, I am ready for anything. Our faith has lead us to this little girl and we know she was meant to be ours.

Now, on to that LOA....

Three beautiful letters...DTC.

Dossier-crossing it off my list!

Precious documents are on the way to California! Our dossier is finally complete! When the Fed Ex guy asked me if I wanted to declare a value on the package, I was speechless for a few moments. How can you put a value on the 3 months of blood, sweat and tears that went into that dossier? Not to mention the amount of time and money spent collecting the documents, getting notaries, getting the I800A, state apostilles and Chinese authentications (did I mention I had my car towed last week when I went to the embassy?). The value of that package is immeasurable as it represents a lifeline straight to McKenna. As the Fed Ex guy explains to me that I can only declare the value of the paper it's printed on, I started rambling on about how important it is for the package to arrive safely. He took a real interest in our story and by the time I was done paying, he says our package will be going into the special pile. I have no clue if there really is a "special" pile, but it made me feel better none the less. By this time tomorrow, our dossier will hopefully be safe in the hands of our agency representative! By Friday, we should be DTC. I'm so happy to be through this part. It puts us one step closer to McKenna!

1 step closer to dossier completion!

It's official! Our dossier documents have the State of Texas apostille on them and are ready for the Chinese Embassy tomorrow. It was worth the 6 hours of driving back and forth to our state capital so we could get things done quickly! Ava told everyone she could find that we were there to get stuff done so we could bring her little sister home. She was just as excited as I was!

Completing this step is such a relief.

I-797 arrived on Saturday!

It's so nice to be pleasantly surprised in ANY part of this journey! I didn't even check the Saturday mail until today and to my disbelief, I see a letter from the USCIS. Sure enough...it's our I-797 approval letter. Way to go, Officer Jones...I knew I liked that lady! We found a notary today and finished up our dossier. Tomorrow morning, I am on my way to Austin for the apostille and then on Wednesday, it's off to the Chinese Embassy. By Friday, our dossier will be on its way to China. I really didn't think we could get this done so quickly (even though at times it felt like an eternity!), so we are very happy to get past this part of the journey.

We got a little update on McKenna and she seems to be doing really well with her foster family. She weighs 26 pounds and is already potty trained (was trained by 18 months!). I actually went shopping for her today with Ava in tow. Ava picked out two of everything! One for her and one for McKenna. The whole shopping experience made me feel a little closer to McKenna. I could actually picture her in the little outfits I bought. I have to say, it was a lot of fun!

After the dossier is sent (DTC), we will wait for our log in date (LID).

I think in the mean time, I will spend more time shopping....:)